I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
