Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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