one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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