If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
