i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
