would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize