He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
