I accidentally burped into my bong.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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