you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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