I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
he wants to bone in the snuggie
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
