Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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