I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
