You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
