Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
