god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
