last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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