Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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