Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
