he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
