I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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