Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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