So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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