3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
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