Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
