New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
