I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
