Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
