i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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