so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
