remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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