Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize