So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
