you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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