is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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