the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
