im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
