Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just threw up on my dentist
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
