Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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