i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
