So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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