i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
