well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
