Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
