hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
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