Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
