my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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