So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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