There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
nutella sex= disaster
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
