I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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