i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
