why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
