Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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