he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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