Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
this just has baby written all over it
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
