The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
