we're blogging at a bar
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
