Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
