This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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