Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
