Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
