his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
