Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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