found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize