Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
