I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
