I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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