I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
