if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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