So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
