You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
