He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
