We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
