didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
