So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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