Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Randomize
