would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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