It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
