if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
