So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
it's great music for shaving your balls
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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