Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i barfeds in our rink
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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