I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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