I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
