we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize