In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
