I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Holy sore nipples Batman
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
