So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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